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Yesterday I met someone who I referred to as the “cabinet lady.” Today, I went back to yoga. C-lady told me that a certain man would be teaching a class today and that he was really great. I did some research. This man has multiple degrees and lived at least 3 years of his life in yoga ashrams.

I was at a crossroads. I could either drive an hour and a half to get to my usual meditation and yoga group, which is free and which my friend was thinking of going to. Or, I could drive two hours and twenty minutes to this yoga class which would eat up one of the two remaining credits that I have there.

Since the instructor seemed inspiring and I wanted to see C-lady’s smile, I decided to go. I actually texted C-lady back that I can’t make it today, but I will next Wednesday, before completely changing my mind and deciding to go.

Today was phenomenal. During the yoga session I experienced something I haven’t quite experienced before. I felt open to my mind and the world.

Maybe it was because C-lady was sitting on the side observing the class. I felt like I had to be on my very best game in case she glanced at me. On most days I over stretch and over exert myself for every move that is called for. I do this because I enjoy it. The instructor said that in other things, no pain means no game. In yoga it’s the opposite. If there is pain, then there is no game.

I wondered why I haven’t experienced pain before when over-exerting myself. I think it’s because somehow I over-exert myself beyond my perceived abilities but never beyond my physical and actual abilities. I almost toned down my over-exertion so I didn’t look like a try hard for C-lady, but I decided not to.

Being sick made it difficult to balance. I was a bit frustrated that I couldn’t do the tree pose like I could every other day without a single flinch. Today, on both sides, I had to put my foot down for a second. Then I realized it’s because I’m sick and my balance is thrown off in my ear as a result.

Before the class started, the instructor shook my hand and we introduced each other. When I said my name, C-lady exclaimed that it’s such a lovely name. I thought it was wonderful she liked it so much and wondered if she would do it again (she did at the end of the class when another person asked me what my name was again).

At the end of the class we had a gratitude circle in which people shared what they were grateful for.

I was grateful for the things I keep losing, because they are all things I am better off without. Such as the cigars I lost for example, which weren’t me losing them, but rather, God wanting them back. I didn’t give an example for the gratitude circle, but I give it to you so that you understand where I’m coming from.

I was also grateful for a realization I had while meditating. That we are all children, and that we all must understand Sacred Motherhood and spread the way we would treat children to all humans because even if older peoples’ bodies look different, there is a child in every one of us. C-lady was so touched. She said she was grateful for “that,” referring to what I had just said.

As we went around the circle we repeated our names so that we would learn each others’ names. On the second time I said my name in Romanian, since I figured it would be better than just repeating it. C-lady nearly had a heart attack.

The third time I shared I was grateful for a cut in my right hand. When I was parkouring yesterday I got the cut by holding onto a metal sign’s pole, even though I knew I was already okay landing on a piece of metal that I was jumping to from a fence. As a result, I learned that holding on can hurt you sometimes and if everything is okay you should just let go. C-lady at this point was taken aback once again, she was really happy hearing this.

C-lady had some amazing things to be grateful for. One was her son and some singer who remembered holding a door for her. Another was the hurricanes that have been smacking into our country. I couldn’t believe I was hearing her correctly. Those same hurricanes are what I was unhappy about when I was working. One, they were happening at a time I didn’t have vacation time to take and assist people through my meditation group’s relief program. Two, they were taking people out of work and as I result I couldn’t call them and do my job of creating business opportunities for my client. It was such a catch 22. Texas got hit and then Florida got hit. Nearly all of the prospects lists I had created were in those areas, I couldn’t help the people because I had a job to do, but I couldn’t do my job because the people had no job to go to.

C-lady didn’t seem to experience it the way I did. She was happy for the hurricanes. She was happy for the fires in California. They were purifying the world and cleansing the world and uniting the people.

I wanted to hug her. Speaking of, C-lady hugged me when she first saw me arrive to the yoga studio. That was so nice. I always feel so welcome when people I have met once or twice treat me like that. This reminds me that I forgot to mention something about the yoga retreat I went to a few weeks ago.

A man as he was leaving one night, even though we hadn’t spoken much, told me that he appreciated my energy. I was half-way up some stairs when he told me that, so I came back and asked him what he appreciated. “Your energy,” he said. I couldn’t believe it. Just a few moments later a new friend I made said that I was adorable. I asked why, they said because of my energy.

C-lady yesterday texted me that I gave her a loving energy.

That really made me think hard and long when I was driving home after yoga yesterday. Before, if I had asked myself what I would want people to think about me when they saw me it would be that I am attractive and good-looking. That I radiate elegance and style. I’ve been getting compliments about my looks in the past few weeks, but funny enough, they didn’t matter much to me. When you think about it, looking good and having style is something that’s easy to control.

What I’ve been hearing more and more though, is that my energy is wonderful, amazing, great, and so forth. I never once in my life had a feeling that I would appreciate if people saw an energy they enjoyed from me. If I did, I don’t know how I would go about making such a thing happen. And if I think about this really hard, I realize that instead of looking good or stylish, I would rather want to have a good energy. So somehow, without intending to have a great aura, I have attained one. Having never felt a lack of an aura, I can truly enjoy it for the abundance that it is and the beauty that it is to get such compliments on my energy all the time. I enjoy the energy compliments more than the looks’ compliments, because I get them regardless of the effort I put into my appearances. For example, yesterday I was sick and I had bed-hair from napping on it. I got the energy compliment none-the-less.

Compliments for the things you don’t put effort into are really quite nice. It’s easy to get a compliment if my hair doesn’t look messy for example and I’m wearing clothes that compliment my body, face, or shoes, or whatever. However, there’s no control in the energy you put out, other than in the control you have over being who you want to be.

After the gratitude circle was over I spoke shortly with the instructor. He’s a carpenter by trade, ever since he found out teaching yoga doesn’t pay that much.

As I was putting on my shoes, I complimented a woman on looking as if they were a model and an actor all in one. I complimented them for their style, it was so wonderful. I was there in stained jogging sweats and a shirt over 5 years old. They on the other hand looked like they could have been in a dance movie.

We got into an amazing conversation, between the model/actor woman who actually turned out to be into modeling and wanted to get into acting, and C-lady who happens to be friends with her.

The reactions I got from speaking with these women and sharing some quick snippets of ideas I’ve had for a while are pushing me to no longer hold back on sharing them with the world. I need to get started right away. I need to write and research and devise a way to get these thoughts out there.

One of the thoughts I shared, as a response to something that C-lady and model/actor woman said, was that over the decades marketing has manipulated people and the byproduct is sex and children. In the 20’s and 30’s and 40’s we saw advertisements for short skirts, then for shaving materials, then for deodorant. Then the marketing mumbo jumbo cut in and started saying weird stuff along those photos of shining legs and short skirts “a guy likes a sleek woman” and what have you. Before you know it people are having sex, and they’re not having it because they want to but because that’s what they’re being sold to using, and the byproduct of these products is more children.

C-lady was ecstatic when I said this. Everyone was gone now, it was just model/actor woman, C-lady, and I. If it wasn’t, I think C-lady’s excitement would have been too much for others to understand. She said that she had this same exact thought before and she’s never heard anyone say it, and she just couldn’t believe that I said such a thing. She looked at me as if I was floating five feet above the floor.

Her acceptance of this idea, and the fact that this idea is in the consciousness is pushing me to create a standard of principles for operating in the modern world and all of the intricacies that it has brought with it. I have a name for a book all lined up, I have the hypothesis and the research topics all lined up. I just need to sit down and get it done.

Then there’s other topics I need to address. It is 12: 30 AM now. Today I woke up late, at around 11 or 12 AM. Unfortunately I cannot continue this long train of thought that is delving into 2,000 words now. I must get some sleep and then I will continue this at another time, as a full demonstration of my mind’s perception and focus rather than as a snippet of what is going on inside. Tomorrow I aim to wake up at around 5: 30 AM and will actually need to do it, since I have so much work ahead of me.

I will finish very quickly, the sum of my day.

C-lady and her friend and I walked downstairs. The instructor had mentioned a certain woman and spirits before he left, and I asked a question, which made me realize he’d heard about her through the same ashram I visited a few weeks ago. The model/actor woman was interested in this ashram so I gave her a book that the guru gave to me on Alan Kardec, the man who first made heavy-contact with the spirit world, and I also gave her the ashram’s yoga program piece of paper I had with me in my car.

Then I asked the model/actor woman and C-lady if they wanted to hear a goodbye song on a Native American flute. They agreed, and C-lady told me her son would love me. I said then this is for your son and played a bit. Then they told me they’d just been talking about Native American flute and Native American music. I said I will send C-lady a song I enjoy, we hugged and bid farewell.

To be continued…


Also published on Medium.