Today was a great day. I woke up at around 8 AM and showered.
Before i get into today, I want to mention a few things I missed to write about my past week.
I have been fasting over the past two weeks, nearly 50% of the time, in amounts of 18+ hours, on more than four occasions over 24 hours without any food of any sort. This fasting has freed me from the chains of my typical conditioning.
Not letting your body put food inside itself all the time, whenever it pleases, is extremely cleansing. It makes you awake in a way. There is no way I can describe the effects, as other than feeling less human and more evolved.
A constant physical hunger for myself has translated into a constant mental hunger. I’ve always had a constant mental hunger one might argue, but never before with the flavor of physical fasting added to it.
Something else I forgot to mention is that I had a book on the Essenes, written by Guru V of the Bethesda Shanti Yoga Ashram, which I gave to a friend prior to moving. Upon getting to my new home, I found that my friend who I live with has a book on the Essenes. Isn’t that amazing. This book which they gave to me to read happens to be a full book, whereas the last one I read was one book out of four.
I called the Guru one day asking if I can come to the ashram to pick up the second. He said that he’s not sure they have any printed ones, and mentioned that I can find the eBook online. I’ve looked at the ebook a few times but never felt compelled to read it, even though I connected so well with the first book I felt myself crying on multiple occasions while reading it.
The amazing thing about my friend having a book on the Essenes, regarding their way of life and guidelines and knowledge, is that I do not know of anyone else who even knows of them. I could go through all of the contacts on my phone and easily bet that no one would have a book on them. The fact that I am living with the person that does blows my mind and makes me feel that I am where I am meant to be.
A few days ago I was Googling the Essenes when I came across this piece.
If you are reading this, and feel that you may be in a dream or a nightmare, and you want a little tug to wake up, please read that piece. It is much more though-provoking than the type of writing I take part in with this Story of Octavian. If you have had the time to read this piece, then I urge you to please continue to have the time to read the Essence piece as well, for it holds knowledge which will lead to piecing the world back together, with peace.
Om Shanti. Peace to all.
Anyways, I digress.
Well actually, I am still on topic it seems because I am still on the spiritual tangent, because in the beginning of my morning I meditated for 21 minutes, and oh I’m so happy I meditated last night for 21 minutes as well! Today while meditating I sang Hare Krishna for 21 minutes, along with a Hare Krishna recording I love. I forget what revelations I had. My eye became wet and I was feeling the spirit. I think I was remembering this quote from this interview:
LBB: You’ve claimed to have recited millions of mantras — how does that relate to what you learned during this meditation retreat?
BD: I’ve probably been doing mantras for forty-two years. I’ve been bowing. I’ve been in a very deep devotional space. I’ve gone into states of absorption with my mind where I’ve been able to stay and fixate on one object, like a candle flame, or a photograph or my guru, for five hours, and not take my mind off of it. I’ve been able to fixate my mind and completely drop out of the thought process. ’Cause I’ve been doing it for so long, I’ve been able to master that level of Samadhi.
LBB: And what does that achieve? What, in terms of actions and results, does that change in the world?
BD: It gives me an amazing sense of sensation, of bliss, of feeling like I’m in this fountain of ecstasy, I’m in this full-body orgasm. But I come down from it. So it really is like a drug-high — the mantra trip. ’Cause what I’m doing is bringing the mind into a sound vibration of the sacred syllables that have been chanted for thousands of years. So, as an example, when I chant, “Om Mani Padme Hum,” I go into six million Tibetans who chanted this for fifteen hundred years. And every rock that has “Om Mani Padme Hum” written on it, and every Tibetan who is “Om Mani Padme Hum-ing,” and the Dalai Lama who is the big “Om Mani Padme Hum” symbol of the Tibetan world. I basically tune in to this astral realm of sound. It calms my mind, and brings me peace from this crazy oscillating energy of being bombarded by the senses.
I was feeling the millions who have chanted Hare Krishna. I was feeling the spirit of Divine Unity. I was the millions who have chanted this. I was the millions who would. I was One, then and there.
Little did I know it… I would find out about 12 hours later… Behind the Buddhist prayer of Forgiveness that my friend has printed out and standing on a table, is the book “Be Here Now” in which this B Das I have mentioned is also mentioned. So here’s the interesting thing. When I first met my friend I saw this forgiveness prayer that they had, and read it when I met them and when I visited them. Tonight I found out that what I had been looking at, hid this book which has aged like a fine wine.
The book Be Here Now was given to me, to borrow, by the leader of my meditation group from Virginia. Here I am, finding out that there are two copies of this book in the house, and that really, I have two reminders to be here now.
Isn’t that so fair and wonderful? The world is great and so is God.
I meditated and tapped into the great knowledge known by all.
At around 9 AM I took a call from someone I thought was going to be a cashier I met at a hardware store who is a yogi and has a computer science degree. After ten minutes into the call I realized it was a friend of a friend who also has a computer science degree which I had reached out to. It was a bit confusing for me to realize it all on the phone. That’s what I get for not adding names to new contacts!
Or maybe that’s what I get for fasting too hard. Who knows.
Today while eating carrots I was so exhilarated with how they tasted and their crunch. I realized that the great thing about being vegan is that I can eat all the time, and that I probably will, and that it’s more than okay. I wondered if I should only fast when I accidentally eat something that isn’t vegan. This way I can reward myself with a constant ability to eat whenever I want, all the while feeling as light as fasting since everything is pure.
I don’t understand how eggs and other things fit into Essenes diets. I Googled it quickly to see if I could find out if eggs are even something they include, and found out at least that they drink milk, and then came across something odd…
IS THE ENEMA NATURAL?
Another application during the fast is the washing of the intestines. The question of the enema is a cause of great disputes among naturists and naturopaths. There are those who say that the enema is an entirely unnatural thing. They say that animals living in a state of nature never have such a tliing. They also hold that enemas remove certain mucus material from the lining of the intestines and for this reason, too, they disapprove of them. To them I would answer: Is the consumption of refined and processed foods, laden with chemical additives and preservatives, a natural thing? Have we ever seen wild animals eating cooked food, or white sugar and white flour? We have not. It is natural, therefore, that they should not require enemas. Nor would human beings need them if we were to live naturally. But if we have introduced unnatural things into our bodies, then we have to eliminate them. One unnatural custom breeds another.
Wow. If ever anyone was so bent on fasting, it would be someone who cleans out their intestines in order to get the “full effect” of being empty of food. That’s wild! I will have to do more research. It seems that going as far as being vegan and fasting is alright for me, as long as I’m not out there experimenting with cleaning out my intestines in the search for spirit. I don’t think that the spirit is so elusive that there would ever be a benefit of cleaning them out, although I would be interested to meet someone who would ask such questions to go through such great lengths to test the waters. No pun intended…
At 10:30 AM I took a call from a web hosting company, for a phone screening. I have an interview on Friday which I look forward to. The reviews online aren’t so great, and the pay wouldn’t necessarily be what I’m used to from a corporate job, however, I do look forward to the interview and what comes out of it. I’ve been building websites for 9 years now, give or take, about 5 years professionally. I am adept at what it takes to host a site, and much more technical aspects. I’ve worked in a call center for a year, supporting a home security system. I feel that working in a call center supporting web hosting servers over the phone, email, and tickets would be an intersection of my passions and my hard corporate skills.
Even though the job would end up putting me at about 1.5-2 hours of driving a day, and even though most wouldn’t go through it for even six months to have the possibility of getting promoted to an advanced support position, I enjoy the idea. I am going to apply to other jobs though and see what I can do to create an income for myself, but more importantly, seed a career in which I can die happy with, and in which I can advance human consciousness through, and my own, in the end, amen.
See what I did there? I just made that a prayer. I’ve never done that before. It’s an odd thing to make into a prayer. It won’t be a real prayer until I pray it. So I will remember it and give it a try, or a say, or a thought, or all of the above.
When my friend came home from work we went to a farm. It’s literally 2 miles away, a bit further than the bridge I ran to yesterday. On the way back we clocked the distance from the bridge to our house at 1.9 miles. That means that the other day I ran 3.8 miles in 30 minutes, with a pace of 15 minutes per 1.9 miles going there and back, which is extraordinary for the fact that I haven’t been running for two to three weeks regularly, and that I have been fasting, and that I converted to veganism, and that it’s cold outside, and that I didn’t stretch before running, and that it was in the night and that I’ve been exhausted.
I had this one thought that when we’re young even if we get a huge hit to our bodies, even if it takes 30% of our capacity to breath for example, we are still at 99.99 breathing capacity. I would agree that this thought is correct and in fact, not a thought of fantasy, but an observation of reality. I could fast this weekend from Friday evening until Sunday at noon, and go for a run, and it would still come in within 30 seconds of that run.
I say this because I want to test myself on this. It would be nice if there were so many people reading this thing that they would bother me after writing things like that, asking when are you going to run? Are you going to do this?
Maybe I can imagine that scenario, and give myself millions of “fans” through my own mind and imagination. Maybe I would do that, except that my imagination is too strong and that worries me. Who knows what type of dreams I would end up with then?
Anyways, I digress.
My legs have been sore today. I didn’t run since the weather was a bit tough for it, or rather, I wasn’t a bit tougher than the weather which really was quite mild.
I ate dinner with my friend and roommate, and at that moment another friend emailed me, a person I’ve referred to before as “C-lady.” C-lady is a great person who I had dinner with a few weeks ago. Their email was so nice. I hope to see them or hear their voice sometime soon. I will see what I can do to make that happen. They have a child so travel is difficult for them. Just 6 years ago I was a child more or less, and in the time between adulthood and now I haven’t established myself well enough to be able to travel back and forth between the ones I would like to see.
I will see to it that this changes. i do not know how in this moment. However, someone of my caliber, which is to say, the human caliber, which is to say all and one, ought to be able to travel more freely than in the way I have observed myself to.
There are probably two or three, or maybe more things I have missed in today’s writings. However, it’s funny, because there’s so much I write.
A friend today shared their private blog with me, which is made up of posts no one has seen, except me. I think it’s great that they shared their blog with me. I think this happened because of the time they were sad in thinking I am not religious or love God, because they assumed I think, and I responded back:
We were watching T.V. and it was hilarious because my friend had this sad feeling about me not knowing God or something. They were talking about how they used to listen to Alan Watts and identify with esoteric big thoughts or something, but until they felt the love of God they didn’t truly understand things, or something like that. I was a bit confused. I said “you may not know who I am, I was at church last Sunday, I love God.” I told them I’ve seen a lot of religious people get sad that I’m not saved or whatever and usually I let them go through that “trip” of being sad, but I didn’t want to let this friend be sad, since they were a bit tearful about me “not knowing Jesus.”
When I referenced my experience with God and being at church that Sunday, I pulled up my site and searched for the word God, to show them the connection I have with One.
I told my friend about this story, and showed them the cut in my right hand. I told them how God cut my hand so that I would wake up. As I looked for my writings of these things, and hit “CTRL + F” to find the word “God” to show them how I felt God in my previous days, I felt kind of sad thinking God is not in the morsels of the three characters God that I search for within me, for the writings of me are a part of me, and God is not a part of the writings of me which are a part of me, my writings are a part of me which is a part of God.
Anyways, I was grateful to be able to lament over these ideas.
By the very fact that I write every day, and that I referenced myself in order to act credibility to myself and not just make it seem like I was responding “I know God, do not worry” in order to quell my friend’s cries, I opened up to them and they opened up to me with this very private blog which is very concise, short, and sweet, and inspiring. I shared with them how I like its shortness, not to say that the quality is less than my writing, but the length is.
They said that they actually struggle with picking which details to write about, and that they were going for more details. Which is hilarious because just yesterday I was writing about struggling with the amount of details I write, and considering less details or no writing of daily endeavors whatsoever. This same friend earlier today sent me a photo of them and I, from a long time ago. I was doing some sort of thumbs-touching-the-pointer-fingers-mudra pose, while kneeling down with the tips of my feet on the ground and my ankles in the air, squatting really low really, having this serious face, wearing this choker I used to wear, which I had just recently mentioned to another friend yesterday.
I was amazed at seeing this photo. I was so serious in it. I wasn’t meditating back then. I wasn’t doing yoga. I can’t imagine what was going through my head as someone said they would take a photo, and I instinctively went down, kept being serious, and just got into an interesting form.
Speaking of details, something I didn’t mention in my last writing is that the friend who came over to my house before I left, the one I connected with so deeply, and the one who inspired me to be vegan, or rather, reminded me that deep down at heart I am one, had to distance themselves from me. It was because of a marriage or something with their partner, and boundaries. Maybe I’m too eccentric for them. Maybe I am not too eccentric, but rather, too boring. Who knows?
It hurt a bit when I saw that message. For a few seconds. I was tired that day. I hadn’t slept. So maybe it hurt for longer.
It doesn’t hurt anymore. I just wanted to write it, because it’s a big detail. One day if I read these things, and don’t remember it, I would want to remember it. I like to laugh. I hope the future makes me laugh about my sadness. The laughter could come from many scenarios, I hope it’s the one that’s best for everyone, and not just the one that’s best for me.
Anyways, I’m sure there’s details I’m missing even today, but I will do the right thing and let them go.
Fly, be free, bye now thoughts and memories. Back I go, to the source. Om, peace, peace, peace.
P.S. While adding in the detail of the mudra, which is the last paragraph I wrote before this sentence, I realized the most important detail of today. While sharing with my friend who owns the Be Here Now book the idea that the book was behind the prayer, and that just today I saw it and hadn’t been able to see through the prayer to it, but my meditation group leader’s let me borrow it and I ended up reading it, they shared a book that their brother had in their collection. Their brother passed away at a very young age. Two years younger than I am now.
In this book that my friend found after their brother’s passing, there was a letter addressed to my friend. The book is Reincarnation 1914. After searching around, I found out the book they have, that they share with me, is Volume 1. It is a magazine of sorts.
I have lots of reading to do. I don’t know what Volume 1. is about, yet I’m already looking ready to Volume 2.
To be continued…
Also published on Medium.