Today I woke up at 7:05 AM without an alarm. Last night I went to bed without meditating. I told myself I would relax my body and sleep naturally. It was late, I had read two pages of a book on the Essenes and estimated it was around 12 PM – 12:30 PM. I wanted to wake up naturally and then begin to work on searching for a job.

I woke up naturally, went and found my found when the light made it easy to figure out where it was (in the edge of a couch cushion), and went back to bed on my back. I said I will rest there, which is actually the floor that I’m referring to because I want to sleep on the floor again as I did for two years a while ago, and I will rest on my back and not fall asleep. Before I knew it, I was falling into a deep sleep. I woke up 8:30 AM, which is when one sleep cycle completed itself.

Then I woke up at 10 AM maybe, finally at 10: 30 AM or something of that nature. After that I worked on updating a site and then I applied to jobs from around noon until three or four PM. After that time I showered and went to the grocery store to get a big jug of water for an event I’m working on with my friend on Friday.

When I got back I don’t quite remember what I did. I think it may have been heating some carrots and broccoli and salad in a pan, to add to some quinoa my friend was making for dinner. I ate dinner with them and we spoke of interesting things. I want to help them write a book of their life and I’m excited at the prospect since I try so hard to write my own life and I feel I would do a better job helping someone on their own story, since I would be a step or two disconnected and able to see the big-picture since they’ve already done the seeing.

After dinner I realized that there was a friend in Virginia I had told I would think about them for 5 minutes a day. I reached out to them to let them know I accidentally forgot to do this over the past few days, since I fell out of my usual rhythms, and said that in the meanwhile I learned not to keep count. This means that instead of thinking about them for a certain duration, I will instead focus on thinking about them once daily and putting the energy into focusing on duration into focusing on energy and intensity instead, so that I may send them healing energy which protects and heals and inspires them.

They responded back with:

[Thanks, I appreciate this because you won’t be forcing it for 5 minutes a day, effectively fetishizing it (more or so) and making it into a task/chore. I want you to naturally think about me and if those thoughts are positive then that’s even better. That’s how you come into my thoughts in my life and because it’s my life, just as it’s your life, I shouldn’t consume it, and you should be the focus and I a natural side thought.]

-My friend’s message, in my words.

That’s interesting that they say this, because a few days ago I had decided to see them amongst a few other people in all people I meet, so that I may treat all people as I do this friend:

Yes it most certainly does. I had a feeling of gratitude for you and I wanted to express it in the most pure way possible, so I will chisel and plant new wood and chisel it and plant new wood and make sure all the shavings is used to keep me warm as I contemplate during the winter how I will chisel and plant new wood.

…yet this realization of seeing you essence was one I had while awake. I entered slumber for a bit because I thought of things that were uncomfortable to me like people I miss and things that make me sad, so that consumed me and took me away from what is so bright and lovely. It is a constant back and forth and I am in the right place to balance it all out. Sleep well!


Then my friend responded that they’re experiencing something similar with the back and forth of light and that they don’t want to jinx it by talking about it, but that they “see me and know where [I’m at].” Then they said talk to you soon “8, sleep tight.”

8 is the nickname that they refer to me as. It’s also the first number I got on the I Ching when the friend I live with showed it to me the other day. I got 8 and 42. In reality, my friend may have “messed up” on writing my throws of the coins, and wanted me to do it again, but I knew what it meant. The answer was that I manifest my destiny.

The question, prior to throwing the coins, that I had was “How do I manifest [my] destiny?] Then my friend for the first time messed up in writing the coins down, they said they had never done that before.

Before this I Ching thing, weeks ago, I was throwing 13 digital coins using a random coin flipping website to make decisions. I used it a few times and after the fact, it always turned out the coins were right. Last week when I went to Richmond I threw it and it told me to not smoke hookah and Dokha, yet I decided I would even though I knew the coins were correct, and then I did, and the next day I couldn’t tell if the coins had been wrong or not, and if I had been wrong or not to do so, because the result of the night was really quite neutral in a highly unforeseen and highly unnatural way; since most of my experiences throughout life have tended to fall in the good or bad pile and never on the line. It would be liking throwing a coin in the air and having it fall on its edge.

That’s the crazy thing we forget about reality sometimes, is that the edge is possible.

So I asked the I Ching “How do I manifest [my] destiny?] and it gave me 8, which is my name, Octavian, and it gave me 42, which is a number I had spoken about earlier and how it’s supposedly the “answer to the universe.” Because my friend didn’t know which parts of 8 and 42 pertained to me, because they hadn’t written down the coin flips in a way that was readable to them, I got to mix and match whatever I wanted from those numbers, in fact, I haven’t even chosen what my final answer is, I can always mix and match the readings from 8 and 42 whenever I want.

And I come to today. My friend refers to me as 8, which is what their ex’s stepfather called me. Their ex doesn’t call me that anymore because their ex and I don’t speak often and didn’t respond to me when I let them know I want to catch up with them.

So really, today, in my life, the only person who calls me 8 is the ex of my friend and that blew my mind because my friend and I were experiencing unity by communicating and feeling one anothers’ existence and presence, and the 8 I Ching description I got when Googling it is the following:

This hexagram represents the binding force, the spiritual union, and the strength of commitments that exist between two people. Through a loving union we become more powerful. Don’t let yourself get trapped by a union which is impure, or saps one’s energy. This is a time to stretch oneself — to try new things and expand horizons. Strong commitment keeps a union alive, but it is a willingness to embrace newness that keeps the sparks, the passion, and the music alive. Be grateful for every new twist and turn in a relationship. Union of the heart is an agreement and a blessing. Love is a force for strength, but it must also be nurtured and protected. A union that is not defended will eventually shatter. This hexagram carries both a positive message and a warning: protect the union in its purest form, and avoid those things which threaten its health.

Wow. I responded to my friend with “wow” and the link to the I Ching above. Here I am writing about spending my energy on purifying the self and the energy that comes from the self and goes to the rest of the self, others, the world, the universe, and then my friend calls me 8, and here I am reading about unification, love, and protecting it all in its purest form.

Isn’t that simply marvelous?

I am 8. I was given 8. I chose to not have my coins thrown again, I chose to not hear the other possibilities that I had from the writings my friend made of the first coin throws. I got my answer and I was able to manifest it by sticking with it. I stuck with it, and now, I see I was correct.

I shared this with my friend that I live with just now. They shared a quote with me “strive for excellence, not perfection” on the topic of not counting. We spoke about these things and the conclusion I made from their knowledge is that counting is good for race day, not for running for example.

So with that, I will go to bed soon.

To be continued…

Also published on Medium.