Over the last few posts I have been writing about my intention to slow down on the daily writings and redirect that energy towards other things, like building my future one step at a time instead of documenting the monotony of a life that is more or less unplanned, day after day.

Yesterday I felt the desire to quit these writings more than ever before. I don’t understand why I’m having a hard time stopping something like this, something which ought to be easier to stop than to continue.

As I began to write today’s post, I noticed that my last few daily logs have been getting more reads than I’m used to…

For comparison, I have attached a screenshot of previous writings (the numbers on the left column represent how many people viewed the pieces, the numbers in the second column represent how many people read through the entire piece, and then there’s the percentage of complete reads as opposed to views. Last but not least there’s the amount of “claps” that the piece got):

For the past few days, this is what the statistics look like:

We can see that across the board I’m getting more views, and even a higher read ratio. I’m not impressed with the numbers themselves, in a general sense. I’ve written pieces that have been purposed as informational which have been read thousands of times more. There’s even an article I wrote that was once shared 1,000 times. This was all long ago, I haven’t done any writing like that recently.

These numbers, in terms of my daily writings however, are very high. I am not sure if it is due to the holiday season; as a result of my Facebook connections having more time on their hands, possibly even winter break since a majority of the connections are likely my age and in college. Could it be because people are interested in what I’m writing and this represents an audience that is somewhat dedicated to reading about my life? That’s not something I can quite comprehend, since a lot of my writings as far as I can tell aren’t as dopamine-incuding as the other types of content available on social media.

What surprises me is that 7 people ready Day 143 Through Day 147. There was no “catchy” title, nothing like that. 15 people decided it was worth clicking on, and half of them finished the piece which takes 6 minutes to read.

So here I am at a crossroad once again. How can I write less? If I can’t stop writing all together, why can’t I learn how to summarize?

Day 150 – Friday

On Friday I went to work and trained. It was a difficult day in the sense that I worked on locating two areas, one of which was short and easy, and the second of which I did not complete. This was because my transmitting machine’s battery died out, and my trainer had left to attend to an emergency damage that resulted in a 7 figure expense to the energy company we work for.

I felt a bit defeated at the end of the day, especially since the area I was locating in was locked up an hour sooner than it should have been and I wasn’t able to finish. My trainer came back around the time the gates locked and told me that I was more or less set up for failure and that if I completed the location by myself, I would have been guessing. He was aware that the last leg of it was difficult and we’d need to call in a lead technician or a “quality controller” which has a machine different than mine.

Regardless of the situation, I felt that I could have worked quicker. I urged myself to work faster next time.

Then I went home, which was nice because I got home earlier than usual due to the holidays and not having more work in line (all the contractors that need locates completed were on their holiday break, and it was snowy outside). After getting home I went shopping for some things, in order to prepare a festive snack/dinner party for a friend that was coming over to meet with me and my friend, and help discuss growing the chai company.

Once our guest came over, we spent most of our time conversing. Maybe there was five minutes of talking about the chai. I was surprised because my friend made an introduction for myself, with the person who owns a large tea company in this city. It blew me away that this person actually cared about getting me connected with someone that can help me. I had been too shy to introduce myself to this owner of the tea company, because I thought I was a “small fish,” and didn’t want to bother them.

I’m used to people saying things like “I know so and so, I can get you in touch with them,” and then forgetting or not actually being that interested in making the introduction. This friend and guest inspired me. I told them they could make a course on how to properly introduce others, after reading the email in which they summarized myself to the person they were introducing me to.

Our guest had to attend another event, so I offered to drive them. I didn’t realize that they were going to a Shabbat, and if I did, I wouldn’t have known what it meant. My friend and roommate said she knew though, and that she figured I would have a good time. Somehow she saw into the future, which was myself being invited to join my friend with his group of friends, for a Jewish meeting of sorts.

Shabbat was fascinating. Everyone was in a circle on the floor, and singing and speaking and going around sharing. It was a really neat place. When we sang, they said that we can use our hands against our knees as instruments and so forth. I wanted to pat my heart, but I thought it was going to be some “Jordan Belfort” sort of thing, so I didn’t. About 10 minutes later someone that led that singing asked us to pat on our hearts. It was simply marvelous, I don’t even remember the lyrics, it may have had something to do with one’s heart, which is all exciting because just the day before I had been gifted an instrument which is made in a note that resonates with the heart, and I wrote about it all in detail.

On Friday I think my Bitcoins also arrived, and I sent them to a friend to invest for me. I had $50 worth of Bitcoins by the time they got to him, because the value dropped from the $100 I bought to $80, and there was a $30 fee to even send them from one friend’s account to another. The friend who I sent them to invested them into 1,000 Sia coins, and 3 Salt coins. He rounded me up $30 as well, which I thought was extremely nice of him. At first he said he rounded me up .002 BTC, which I figured was a few cents or something, and then I realized it was actually $30.

So the investment was neat that day, and I was grateful for my friend, but let me return to this Shabbat that I was describing. At the Shabbat there was vegan food. Also during the singing, someone mentioned that we can use instruments. No one had instruments, but during sharing circle I shared what I would do the next day, play my flute in the snow. A girl there said that she had a flute, she said “well it’s like a flute.” I said I can give it a try, and she went to get it.

She brought an ocarina of sorts. I attempted to play it and got no notes. I attempted again, and got barely any notes. Then I said I don’t know what this is, and someone said you’re doing a good job for not knowing what it is. Then I got the hang of it after a few more tries and started to play it, for about 20-30 seconds. Everyone was quite and listened to me and then they were impressed, and the girl who gave it to me said she’s had it for a long time but she never figured out how to play it.

After the singing and sharing circle was over, I gave the ocarina back to the girl and shared with her how to play it, showing both how to blow into it to get notes, which involved me playing it a few times to get notes again. She was surprised that I didn’t even know how to play notes on it: because she’d asked me how to play it, and at first I said that I don’t know, and that I had forgotten how to get sound out of it as soon as I’d stopped playing it earlier.

It surprised me too that I was able to teach someone how to play an instrument I had never seen before, and that I was forgetting how to play notes on if I stopped using it for longer than 10 seconds. The girl tried to play it and I said perfect, and that if she plays 5-10 minutes a day she’ll get really good, and she was already happy because it turns out she’d never gotten a better note out of the instrument the entire time she’s had it, ever since she was a little girl, because she didn’t even know you have to cover the bottom notes.

Oh! I forgot to mention this. Before the share circle began, they instructed to share one’s name, preferred pronoun, and something one looks forward to doing in the snow. I shared my name and stated that I prefer any pronoun which someone would want to use, including the word “one.”

So this time I’m sharing that the girl gave me the flute, and that she learned how to play it and so forth, and that’s not common for me because I use the neutral pronoun “they,” as often as I can. Just last night I was going through some questions of my own, and realizations, of whether I should use the pronoun “he” and “she” unless directed otherwise, because the word “they” is simply too confusing for most, especially in speech, and the invented pronouns in English make no sense to me.

I don’t know if I’ll switch back to he and she. In yoga there’s feminine and masculine energy. In Native American culture there’s four genders, but they are essentially different expressions of feminine and masculine energy in females and males, not necessarily over 5 dozen genders like we have today. I remember reading some topic from yoga or Essenes on androgyny but I can’t seem to find the book or the article at the moment. What does come to mind is the interesting fact that I have made the intention to become one with the Essenes, which are of a Judaic sect, and I find myself experiencing Shabbat.

Furthermore, the heart is the sixth chakra, which is represented by a shape which is identical to the Star of David. Just the day prior to finding myself in a place with the Star of David, I wrote about the heart and the sixth chakra.

That night I learned Russian and Hebrew from the people there, not knowing which language I was learning. I took notes and wrote what I learned down. I also learned of someone’s name, from their partner, and at the end of the night when I bid them farewell I asked them what their name was again. When they said it, and I heard it, I realized that throughout my learning I mixed up the name and thought that it was a word. So it was odd hearing someone introducing themselves with a name which I thought was a word, it did an odd thing to my brain to say the least.

On Friday a friend had asked me if I can speak with them on the phone, I said I can’t, and I left it at that because I was so busy. The friend I attended Shabbat with told me something that made me realize I hadn’t really communicated what I meant to the friend. I didn’t meant that I “can’t,” period, but rather that I am busy. The friend who I said I can’t speak with thought something was wrong and I was upset with them. But regardless, it’s not my responsibility to ensure that everyone doesn’t take things the wrong way. If anyone doubts how busy I am, they can count up how many words I write in the average post and decide it by the average amount of words they can write a minute, and figure out how long it would take them to write as much as I do, let alone experience as much of it consciously and make mental notes and realizations and growths at all time of the day.

I’m not saying that one should have better judgement, or that I judge others who aren’t as busy, or that being this busy is good, or anything of that nature, but that I spend my time to the best of my ability and it’s really hard to squeeze in phone calls that take longer than 10 minutes to complete. After all, how much growth am I really getting from the stories of ego, not just from this friend, but really, from all, including myself, rather than from the embodiment of spirit?

Day 151 – Saturday

The following day, on Saturday, I forget what I did. Let me think about it and see if I can remember.

I think I slept in, to around 10-11 AM, and I also received messages from friends who I had sent chai to. They liked it and were happy that I sent it.

I also helped my friend prepare dinner, snacks that were going to get fried in pots of oil with burners underneath them. At around 4:30 PM I left to go record a flute song.

My fingers ended up freezing… It was 24 degrees! Regardless, I was happy with the outcome. This is one of the best music videos I have produced. You can see that the flutes form a triangle facing upwards, as do the mountains behind the self, as do the rocks which too seem to peak as they get closer to the top and away from the water. We also see a purple rattle, with a small heart, next to the heart of the self, which too rattles from time to time, possibly because the universe is a big baby, and the self is a rattle that makes noise as the universe whines and cries, groans and grows. You can see that the self is draped in grey, as is the sky.

The self blends in with the background, both through the grey of the clothing material, as well as the browns of the instruments which is similar to the browns of the blains and of the fluff balls seen on the middle of the right side.

The self has been fully realized in this video. The fingers were freezing after the singing was complete, but none of it was felt while playing.

Back home, I had “fun-do” with my friend, their daughter in law, their son, and my roommate. We had a fire going, and we had interesting conversations. The daughter in law is Jewish, or of Jewish background, and I got to learn more about the traditions of Jewish people and Shabbats and so forth. I was surprised how little I had known about the Jewish people until I went to the Shabbat. At the Shabbat I more or less heard a member share that “we are God,” which too surprised me. I didn’t know that Jewish people know that they are God!

The daughter in law mentioned that this is true, we are extensions of God. It’s interesting, because I’m certain at the Shabbat I heard we are God, rather than “we are God,” in a context of God-through-extension. Maybe there’s different view points between people, there has to be.

Day 152 – Sunday

This day was a lazy day for myself. I went shopping to get a port for my laptop that allows me to access two USBs, and an SD card. There was no way around getting a port like this, now that I have a MacBook Pro with 4 lighting ports and no others. My friend let me borrow their card to get this port/hub which was $100. It looks like the rabbit-hole goes deep with Apple, but I”m not complaining. I’m quite happy with the port and the laptop and everything else.

My roommate came with me, I went to Michael’s as well to get a canvas, as well as 8 small canvases. The bigger one was 8 by 8 inches, and the 8 small canvases were connected to the bigger one through its numbers. I painted these canvasses later that night, the 8 were gifts for the daughter in law, and the large one was a gift for my friend.

I also got a paint roller and two rollers for my roommate, while he was at the hardware store, as a Christmas gift. He was going to paint his room so I figured it would be nice to help him with some of the costs, since he was already buying himself paint. Then I ran out of money, which his kindness came in handy for, because I still needed two cans of beans. I joked that one day it would make a good story that at one point I was so poor that I couldn’t afford beans. Well, rather, I could afford one can of non-organic beans, but I figured to accept his help and go for two cans of organic-beans instead.

Also, I forget to mention that on Sunday morning I went to yoga with my friend’s son and daughter-in-law. It was a powerful meditation. At the end, during savasana, I cried while mediating with my eyes closed. The instructor had asked us to remember our losses from the year and to let them go. I experienced deep pain during this moment. Then at the end they asked that we be grateful for three things. I was grateful for a friend, my family, including all of beings, and the mountains.

You see, what’s beautiful, is that the day before when I made my music video I spent three minutes starting towards the mountains at the end. During yoga, the scene behind the glass of the building was the mountains. It was gorgeous! I can’t believe how nicely I manifested my Sunday, the day before, by simply being aware of the mountains and letting them direct me.

AT the end of the class, the daughter-in-law mentioned that her husband doesn’t like yoga that much and that he has 10 punches left that run out in two weeks, and the instructor only teaches once every two weeks, and that I can use the punches with her. Isn’t that wonderful! I used to attend free yoga in the East coast with a friend, and now I’ve got the opportunity to attend a few classes of yoga for free as well. It’s nice how these things work out, and I’m grateful for them.

The yoga instructor’s friend had died a week or two prior. He was a surgeon. The tale of his death, and the details of his life and so forth inspired me. He had healed so many people that they had to split his wake into two groups. One group was over a thousand people who had been his patients, people who even two decades ago got their knee fixed by him and wanted to pay their respects, and another group over 80 colleagues. What a good problem to have! Not having enough space at the time of your death to hold all the people who valued your existence together!

Before yoga my car wasn’t starting, so I jump-started it and my fingers froze in the process. It was 3 degrees! After yoga I found out that because I paid for a class, I could use the rest of the recreational center, including the pool. I went home to eat and get shorts to swim. I ate and then went back to the center, having forgotten my pants. Then I went home and couldn’t find the pants. By the time I got to the recreational center, it was 45 minutes away from closing.

I asked a man if I could share a swim lane with him. I couldn’t. I was upset, even though just an hour or two prior I had transcended the human experience and cried and was at one with everything, I had reached atonement, and then just as swiftly I fell from it.

I went in the Jacuzzi for half an hour, then I showered and went home. When I got home I was tired. I’ve been used to freezing temperatures at work and I think the Jacuzzi really messed me up. I napped for three hours, from around 2:30 PM to 5:30 PM. Then I groggily got up and spoke with my brother for an hour and ten minutes, my youngest brother that is. After that, I began to paint.

With the paintings out of the way, I went to sleep, on the couch because my friend was painting his room and it spelled like paint in my room, and because I wanted to sleep next to the Christmas tree, as I did the night before I believe.

Day 153 – Monday

Christmas was fun. I helped my friend prepare some food earlier in the day, and then I went to pick up my roommate from a Target he was dropped off at, 40 minutes away, by some people he found at the mountain while snowboarding two hours away that were kind enough to bring him back to the area.

I have to cut this writing short because we’ve heated up the Fun-do again and I’d like to have some, even though I filled up earlier on bread and tomato. So let me continue for a bit more, please, if you will.

I picked up my roommate and he filled up my gas tank, or about 95% of it, which was really nice of him. Then we got back home and had a wonderful evening. My friend’s friend and daughter-in-law came over. We had interesting conversations about Judaism and so forth. I mentioned the movie “Pi,” and that’s when I found out that in Hebrew each number corresponds to a letter, and you can form words out of these letters. I was amazed!

A while back I stayed up 2 hours at night crunching a certain number pattern that I came across. Towards the end I was trying to convert the numbers into letters, and it led me nowhere. With the help of the daughter-in-law and her Hebrew training, she was able to help me understand that my pattern was saying “Father, father.”

Isn’t that amazing? My pattern was one which came from an invented name of myself, Octavian Andrei Ristea, followed by two invented names, and the numbers which came forth ended up stating “father, father,” in Hebrew!

I went to bed quite late on Monday, at around 12:30 PM, and I was due to wake up at 5 AM, but I ended up pushing it to 6:20 AM.

Day 154 – Today

I was tired in the morning but within a matter of 20 minutes I was energetic and ready for the day ahead. My trainer wasn’t with me, he was attending to something in the mountains far away, because another employee had rolled their ankle. I completed all of my day by myself. Then I went home to use the bathroom in-between jobs, since it was on the way. My check had arrived and I cashed it using my phone.

At one point I met with my trainer who had a trainee with him, to overlook some of my work quickly, because there was a line that was on the prints, i.e. the maps, but wasn’t there in reality.

During the day I also sent my investing friend some funds, to invest into crypt-currencies for me. I will be putting $150 into Capri coin, since my friend is putting $900 into it and backing his money with his mouth, and $25 into Bitdegree. Bitdegree is my own choosing. I want to put some funds into this initial coin-offering since I’m certain it will take off.

I’ve done the math and I will have enough money to pay my rent, pay back my friend for the port/hub loan, as well as for the $10 I borrowed to go to yoga, pay my car insurance, and pay for 1-2 weeks of food, until my next pay-check comes. I will continue to invest as much as I can, and save little by little to make a small nest egg, for as long as I can. I’m young and I don’t have a partner or expensive hobbies so it’s a good time as any to put all of the surplus income on the investment line, rather than on the self-gratification or indulgence line.

This post is coming in at 4,200 words. Even though I’ve eaten soup and bread, I will go have some Fun-do. In fact, I think I had too much bread and my stomach is hurting from it. I hope the Fun-do will do away with this acid-reflux that I’m experiencing.

To be continued…

Also published on Medium.