Friday was a great day, although work was a bit long. I decided to not upload my completed tickets on the computer until the end, so that I may be able to finish everything before the sun set. I ended up finishing about an hour and a half later than usual, bringing my total time of work to eleven and a half hours.
A person helping me out told me to enjoy New Year’s but to be smart and not drink and drive. They told me that drinking ruined their life more or less, and they lost their wife, their job, and basically everything else, including a $90,000-a-year paying job, and that was all a decade ago. They said if I drink to be smart and call an Uber if I want to get from place to place. I thanked them for their advice, and let them know that aside from drinking with my friend occasionally I’m not a big drinker, since I tend to drink a bit and then wake up having drunk way too much. He said that’s how it goes, you have one beer and think you’re good to drive but often you’re not; and a good thing to do is buy a breathalyzer and breathalyzer yourself if you want to drive.
This person had good points. I’ve driven my roommate places after having had a glass of wine, and they said that I’m good to drive and I thought that too, but after speaking with this person I realized that it’s really impossible to know what you’ll blow even after a single drink. With that all in mind, I will definitely not be drinking anytime soon and in larger quantities than a glass, and will certainly not drive within two hours after drinking. I know how good everything is now and I wouldn’t want to mess that up by some silly thing like drinking.
After work yesterday I don’t quite remember the rest of my night. I think I took a shower and then ate with my friend. We made eggplant and carrot tomato sauce, and had it with pasta as well as a salad. Afterwards I called my investor friend as we planned, but his partner was upset with him so we couldn’t speak. Then I tried to call my friend in Greece, or rather, in Lebanon, but they didn’t pick up. So with that I think I looked at some crypto-currencies and tried to get a refund from Amazon for my Kindle Unlimited membership, but I could only cancel it. I was able to get a refund from Google for YouTube Red, since all these things renewed before I remembered to cancel them. It’s a bummer Kindle Unlimited got renewed because I had reminders on my phone to cancel all these trials but I totally dropped the ball on it, made the reminders go away, and then ended up spending $10 on something I don’t even use.
I wonder if the universe is telling me to read a few books this month, as a good way to start the new year, so that I can feel less bad about spending $10. After all if it’s something I’ll use, then it will have had a purpose for me spending money on it?
The reason I got the trial was because I wanted to read some INTF-ebook, but after glancing at it I realized it wasn’t my sort of book and also it was about INTF not INTJ’s. Maybe I need to give it a second chance, since that’s really the only book I’ve tried reading in the past month aside from my yoga book and the Native American wisdom book I bought. Speaking of, I ought to read those books.
I went to bed sometime after taking care of my thing and resetting my bank password for the 20th time in the past 30 days because I keep forgetting it after I change it; a problem I don’t have with any other account nearly as often. It’s gotten to the point where I need to reset my password every time I want to log in because I can’t remember for the life of me what it was. I’m hoping this time I will remember. The one before this one I even wrote it in my notes but it takes longer for me to find the note than it does to reset it, so it’s all quite a difficult and frustrating process and I really should keep better track of things.
At the end of the night I called my friend who I haven’t spoken with in a while. I called them because I wanted them to know I care about them, not necessarily because I needed someone to talk to, so it was interesting because I forget the last time I called someone to give them an ear rather than to speak. I guess it’s nice that this happened, it ought to happen more. My eyelids were getting heavy as I listened to them talk about their knitting endeavors, business drama that others bring on by jealousy and so forth, as well as their break up with their partner and how their new long-distance boyfriend or boyfriend-figure supports their knitting more than their ex-partner; who they told me bought them less and less yarn towards the end of their relationship and ended up buying a car even though their old car was fine.
It was funny listening to this friend because a year ago I bought myself a car during the Christmas time, after my old own broke due to slippery ice and a curb that made it cheaper to get a new car than to fix it, as far as I felt like, I was probably just in the mood to get a new car. I wondered if this friend treated their partner the same way my partner treated me as I listened, because if that’s the case, then neither my friend or their partner were at fault. They were just young people not cut out for each other and that’s all quite all right.
Speaking of, I think I woke up on Friday, or some other day, after having had a dream in which I saw my first and last partner, i.e. the same person, in a car by a leasing office or a recreational center, and then when I saw their face I didn’t see a face that was inherently special, I saw a face that was special because all humans are special and beautiful, but not the face that I used to see before which was the only face I truly cared about, and their mother was in the car and I looked into them, and not at them, and I kept walking without an expression on my face. That day also happened to be the same day that I used a flower EMOJI for the first time since I used to be with this partner, who’s name I added the flower to under their contact. It was odd like my dream either enabled me to use it without seeing or feeling them, or maybe it prophesied that it was over, that the last and final tie between my eyes and their face, my heart and their soul, had been cut.
It wasn’t a sad thing, in fact, the universe gave me what I wanted. Throughout the week I was thinking about my partner and wondered why things that they did or said made my blood boil, even today, when if compared to a stranger doing and saying those same things, I wouldn’t have a care in the world. I didn’t like how my thoughts were plaguing me, they were nagging me and nagging me. I wanted my previous partner to enter the rest of the world again, instead of being in a little nook and cranny in my heart, and I felt silly that they probably didn’t really think nearly as much about me as I have been about them.
One time they told me that guys take longer to get over partners, after break-ups, on average 9 months or something, whereas women take 4-6 months, or something like that, which was around a third less as far as I remember. My father thought that was a ridiculous claim, since he said that you can love someone your entire life, regardless of gender, regardless if you ever see them again. I thought he was right, but found it funny that in this particular situation after 12 months I was finally absolved of all of my previous partners mistakes in the relationship, and my own relationship.
I don’t open up like this often while writing because nothing of importance has been going on in my mind in terms of this relationship, just the same rehashed thoughts day after day, which had no significance or value whatsoever, but now that there’s been a breakthrough, from this dream more or less, everything has worked out for the best and I’m glad. Maybe someone will read this who is in the shoes I was in and they’ll know it does get better, with time.
To be continued…
P.S. Funny enough I finished writing the above sentence and then I could finally hear what was playing on my SoundCloud, from a playlist I don’t even remember creating; g1rl by Knight.
What I heard was as follows:
Would you let me call you my girl? My girlfriend.
I can give you the life you deserve, just say the word baby and I’ve got you, hey, darling I got you.
They don’t know your worth.
Tell them you’re my girl, girl.
And anything you want is your’s.
Your chapter is turning. So old-fashioned and natural.
Oceans got me falling for you, oh yeah.
Baby if I told you that you wrap my world, I want you around me.
Let me call you my girl, my girlfriend.
I can give you the life you deserve.
Just say the word, I got you, yeah yeah.
Girl, I love you, I love you.
They don’t know your worth, baby.
Pretty lady, tell them you’re my girl, woah-o,
and anything you want is yours.
Girl, they don’t know your worth.
Tell them you’re my girl.
You are mine, anything you want is your’s.
Also published on Medium.