Yesterday I spent the majority of my time cleaning out my room, from around 11 AM to 5 PM. When I was done I began yoga, and my roommates came home and asked me if I was ready to head to their friend’s party. The day prior I hadn’t realized my friend was inviting me, until he told my other friend in front of me that I had been invited. To this I responded with “oh, I didn’t know that was an invitation.”

It showed me once again that I don’t really pick up on the subtle ways people say things. I wasn’t all that interested in going. The day prior to yesterday I told my friend that I was considering not going because I wouldn’t have gone had there not been girls there, and I felt like I ought to stay home because of this. This doesn’t mean that I would only go out at the possibility of interacting with a female, or a person I could be attracted to. Rather, it was my way of avoiding the question I wanted to ask my friend of whether I “would meet the mother of my child at this party?” I didn’t want to ask this because one, they may have said no but you may, and number two, I know there’s other interesting people I could meet aside from someone who I could develop a beautiful partnership with. However, I wasn’t all that interested in even trying to meet people, as my roommates said to come because “how else are you supposed to make friends?

One of my roommates got me when they said your only friend in this city is “XYZ,” and I said that’s true, and then I said wait no I know someone else, and mentioned them. My roommate said “great you have two friends in all this city [not including the friend that I live with].” They made some good points, so I trimmed my beard, shaved my mustache, and put on a choker, which is what any reasonable person would do before going to a party of people they’d never met.

I work red sneakers, black workout sweats made out of a thin material, not the heavy and thick type of sweat pant material, a shirt of myself wearing a shirt of my self ad infinitum, and a thin orange vest. My car battery died so I couldn’t drive there myself, as I wanted to in order to be able to come back as early as 12:30 PM. I went with my roommates and they told me that I messed up because dressing for the event was either black-tie or pajamas, and I went in-between.

I brought some lavender with me and I smoked some in the car, and outside on the deck when others smoked cigarettes. I also stayed sober the entire night, or as I like to say, sobēr (pronounced so-bear).

The people there were all beautiful and great company. The hosts had made a self-help burrito line and I didn’t know that durritos have milk in them (i.e. cheese) since I never buy them. I spread some over my bowl and sat down to eat when my vegan roommate asked me what I was doing. I didn’t want to ask someone if they would have the bowl, like my roommates said I should do, so I scrapped off all of the durritos and imagined how much I would have felt silly for that in the past, but not I didn’t care and probably no one else did either. I thought about my friend visiting Lebanon who worked at a daycare for a bit and had to disinfect all surfaces because they were paranoid the children’s’ chicken nugget animal particles would enter their mouth. I would not eat something that’s been cooked with milk, these days, but I figured the amount of milk that touched my food, and my intentions in eating it after cleaning it were pure so it was alright to eat.

My roommate challenged anyone to an arm wrestling match and I went up against him, even though I’ve lost the last few times, possibly due to being vegan and him working out whereas I don’t nearly as much (i.e. three times a month). After a lot of noise and back-talking we tied.

At midnight everyone got in the jacuzzi it was jam-packed and fun. I sat on the side of the jacuzzi for a really long time because I enjoyed the cold, with a warm blood stream from my legs, and I got ice in my hair which remained throughout the night. Earlier in the day I had seen a Spanish friend and her daughter eating twelve grapes at midnight, or rather, at Spain’s midnight time, and at this party there were glasses with twelve grapes in it. Some people were split about going in the house and some wanted to stay in the jacuzzi, some also wanted their grapes. I offered to bring the grapes and so I went and put about a dozen or more glasses on a platter and the entire platter shifted and a glass fell into the platter and I was able to save everything from crashing. This happened because I tried to pull a sliding door with one hand and hold the platter with another… Bad idea!

Then when I took the platter and leaned it into the middle of the jacuzzi, someone picked up the 4th to last glass and unbalanced the entire platter as I was pulling it back towards the edge, and it went flying sideways and I caught all the glasses and the platter, with no harm done to anything.

Back in the pool I heard someone say they would kiss anybody, and I looked to my left and realized it was the person next to me, mind you I wore my glasses since I was wearing black pants and wanted them to match the pants as well as my shirt in which I am wearing glasses, but glasses don’t work out in jacuzzis. I could barely see anything most of the time but I’m so blind that it’s a chore to not be able to see. I looked at the person to my left and I don’t know what happened next, I think I asked “you’d kiss anybody?” and they said yes, mind you the person I took to be their partner was behind them. Well, since a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, I will glaze over the remainder of this paragraph, and just state that I really don’t pick up on subtleties but that my midnight hour of the New Year was exciting.

This person is an artist and I looked at their work, and I’m a huge fan. It was a pleasure to meet them. We’d first started speaking in the house regarding Slavoj Zizek whom I was familiar with through his movie “The Pervert’s Guide to Ideology.”

After a while the majority of people from the jacuzzi went inside, and this person remained along with a couple. I got out and climbed a tree and did two pulls ups on a branch, which was extremely sharp. The friend who’d kiss anybody came too and unfortunately they fell before I realized they were going to try to scale this tree in 20 degree weather as I had. It apologized to them for making it look easy, they said no, it’s fine, I can usually climb trees but that one was really sharp. They showed me their hands and I showed them mine, they apologized for my hands being hurt, to which I replied why are you sorry? I decided to climb it!

The hosts were really interesting people who’d spent a year and a half or more in Central America teaching English. I thought such an adventurous lifestyle was neat and inspiring. Someone else at the party was publishing music on Spotify that they’d had ready since August but had been too shy to upload. I thought it was so funny how this person publishing the music had one hand in their pocket, and the other was handling their phone-screen while their friend held their phone for them. I found it funny because they could have held it themselves, but not in a judgemental way. In a way where it would be funny to watch someone hold a hand in their pocket, and a lighter in the other, and ask their friend to reach into their jacket pocket to take out a cigarette and put it in their mouth. I quite actually enjoy when people do things like this that are out of the “norm” it makes you think differently and feel taken care of, like when I had my socks taken off for me in Richmond:

When lovely took off my socks, and I don’t know how my pants came off they probably told me to take them off and get into their pajamas, and gave me a sweater, and a hat, I fell head over heels over them. Or rather, I realized how much I’ve always liked them.

I thought I had finally made it. My friend would support me and all I had to do was create art, and they would be there to take off my socks when I got too tired and there to be nice and kind when I was beaten down and tired. I used to have a crush on this friend when I was in middle school, and continued to have a crush on them for a long time. It never went away really, I love many people.

Day 107 through Day 117 – I Experience Love

After the jacuzzi I also drew on my arm with a sharpie I brought. The image is seen at the top of this story, which I took today.

At the end of the night I drove my roommates and two of their friends home since I was the sober, i.e. the sobēr one. At home one of my roommates passed out on a small couch we’d moved out of my room and into a newly converted “gaming room.” I tried to wake them up, and my other roommate said there’s only so much I can do, I tried, and in the end of the night it’s their decision to sleep there. The roommate who said this needed to be ready for an airplane the next day, as I was to drive them to the post office and then to the bus station to take a bus to the airport.

I made a primary plan of waking up early, in two hours, to go to the bus. Then I made a secondary plan to drive them to the airport if we didn’t wake up in time. The first plan involved waking up at 5:50 AM, the second at 7 AM. My roommate woke me up at 7:30 AM… They hadn’t packed anything to send themselves through the post office for their trip as they’d planned, as I’d told them to do the night prior, when they were in bed and said “I’m not falling asleep.”

The funny thing about all of this is that the roommate who fell asleep in the couch was uncomfortable, as I knew they would be, and they woke up at 7:20 AM and realized my other roommate hadn’t woken up. So if I had waken up the one falling asleep on the couch that’s half as tall as they are, then they would have been cozy in bed and my other roommate wouldn’t have been woken up, and they would have missed their plane.

So in hindsight, the one who told me not to wake the other one had a point. It was all working out and unfolding as it had to be.

My favorite part about last night was being around people who were either wealthy or morally grounded, to the point where I didn’t have to worry about putting my camera that I brought with me in a “safe,” i.e. not-visible location, as I had once been instructed by a friend when I was at a party with anywhere from 75 to 150 people in it, when I left my camera on a kitchen floor for the majority of the time. I liked all the people there and even the amount of people was perfect.

Day 160

I woke up at 7:30 AM and drove my roommate to the airport, 45 minutes away. I’d only slept for 4 hours.

Today after coming home I went out to take photographs of my hands, along with a small video, as I had the feeling it would be better with a scenery than the photo I took in the morning. Then I went to take photos of buildings I want to use as my inspiration for architectural engineering writings. When I was finished with that, I went to the grocery store to get a lime and cauliflower for cooking lentils with curry and rice later. I saw a man recording cilantro with a camera and speaking its name out, and I asked him if he would mind telling me what he was doing. He said he cooks and vlogs. I remembered his YouTube channel and just checked it out, and realized through his simple oatmeal video that you can add butter (possibly even vegan butter to oatmeal). Well that’s exciting!

After coming home I took a nap at 1 PM. I intended to sleep no longer than 20 minutes. I’d also asked my friend to wake me up if I am still asleep in an hour. In an hour I woke up with the most gentle nudge to my shoulder it felt like I was being elevated into heaven, I appreciated the gentle wake-up and was fully awake for about 10 seconds, and then decided to sleep more, I went through about 7 20 minute alarms, and I woke up 2 hours and 50 minutes after I took my nap. Since I slept 4 hours last night, and then I napped for 2 hours and 50 minutes, I got a total of 6 hours and 50 minutes, which it seems is a proper time for my body to sleep, so I don’t feel too bad about napping for so long.

To be continued…

P.S. What’s funny is before I went into the jacuzzi, while changing into swimming trunks’ the hosts were kind enough to have extras of, I wrote on my chest “#HER’S,” as inspired by an advertisement I saw earlier in the day in a European newspaper that looks as follows:

When I saw this advertisement, I didn’t agree with the method of “selling.” Oh look, this is “her’s, with an addition of our brand to spice it up,” and this is “his, with the addition of our brand to spice it up.” These people would look better naked in this photo then with these ridiculous half-washed away underwear bands that look more like the bands that hold cow-bells to cows’ necks than garments. Don’t get me wrong, if someone gifted me these I wouldn’t throw them in the trash, but I also wouldn’t fall for the sex-appeal selling method.

So I put “her’s” on my chest which I wrote backwards and did not look well nearly as well done as the advertisement above. It was a private joke which I was publicly displaying, which I do often, even the shirt of myself wearing myself is a joke of sorts. Well, low and behold, what do you know? The joke transforms, as it often does. Someone came up to me after I got out from changing and touched my chest and ran their fingers across it and said I didn’t know you have a tattoo, I like this. When did you get it?

I never once had someone think I had a tattoo, let alone get a compliment for one. I was essentially able to get a compliment and interest from a tattoo I never had imprinted into my skin, which was all really just a joke. So while in the pool after the tale of not kissing and telling which I am implicitly telling I surprisingly looked at my chest and said “wow, funny enough it says her’s on my chest.” I was fascinated with the way that destiny “manifested” itself through my small little joke which turned into something more, yet here I am retrospectively thinking that it should have said “THEIR’S,” because I have no idea what pronoun the person who would kiss anybody preferred, and would have had no idea who’s for a brief moment I was while writing on my chest, only destiny did, and still, only destiny knows who’s I will be for a time longer than a brief movement and shorter than the duration of the life of one universe big bang and big crunch cycle.


Also published on Medium.