Today it was clear that I was tired from getting four hours of sleep yesterday and then napping for nearly three hours later in the day. With that in mind, work was great. I didn’t need to call anyone to help me out and I even handled an emergency all by myself: a pipe became exposed during a dig and I identified that it was indeed an electrical line, as I had marked with my trainer a week and a half ago, and that it was not a gas pipe.

When I got home I received a bookbag an old coworker sent to me. I had lost the one I was given to by my previous company, and I really liked it. I asked them how much it would be for them to ship it to me, in addition to $15 for shipping. They said to send them $20 and that would be enough. I sent them $30. So today I get the bookbag and it’s not the one that I was in love with from before. It’s actually got the company logo on it, which I didn’t like, and my bias made me dislike the bookbag and my decision to get it. I blamed myself for not asking if it was red on the inside.

Well I gave it a shot and it turns out it’s perfect. The grey inside matches my grey MacBook Pro, and the bag is overall smaller, lighter, and more compact than that one I liked, yet it has the same amount of storage and is extremely water durable.

My mom also sent me what appeared to be a flute case, along with homemade jam that she made. I put both of my flutes in there and texted her to thank her for it, then she said it was a case for a yoga mat. Well, you see, that just doesn’t make sense to me. What does a mat need a case for? Aside from making it easy to carry on your back without holding it? I’d rather use it for flutes, who knows, maybe one day I’ll use it for a yoga mat but I doubt I’d want to use it for both in the long run. Who knows what type of debris the mat may pick up, place into the bag, and then cause my flutes to become scratched?

Additionally my mom included a bag of trail mix, which I ate about half of while I was winding down from work in a zombie-mind unable to decide what to do next. Eventually I showered, then I cooked dinner for myself and my friend who is unfortunately sick. Afterwards I cleaned the dishes and put on a new pot of chai to brew.

Now I find myself typing. I am very tired and still haven’t gotten a chance to complete yoga. I’d like to go do some right now. It’s nice that I cleared out my room and moved the couch out of it, because it’s a very great space for yoga and for sleep now.

Today while at work, surrounded by homes worth more than a million dollars, and reminded of Jim Carrey and his views over the hills, letting himself know that the homes he saw weren’t his yet, but that he owned them, I woke up somewhat, to the realization that I have no dream. What am I working for day to day, to attain? I had no idea when I realized this and still don’t. What do all the great things I want to do lead to?

The yoga book I’m reading says we ought to replace the word enlightenment with intimacy and realization with relationship. With all of this in mind, I intend to go intimately complete some yoga, open up a relationship between my body and my mind, and wake up well-rested tomorrow. I intend to complete some writings very soon which will be downloadings of my own knowledge and realizations, rather than journal entries.

To be continued…

Also published on Medium.