Today was different than other days. I woke up without an alarm, at around 9 AM, and then thought over my dreams and wrote them down. I showered and then went for a run, after deciding I didn’t want to wait for the temperature to get to 50 degrees later at around 4 PM. When I went out it was 32 degrees, so I doubled layered two sweatpants, two long shirts, and I wore gloves. At the end of the first mile I took off my first shirt, and my gloves, and I put them behind a tree, along with the face mask/neck warmer I had on.

Then I continued to run, and after I was done I took off my shirt and walked all the way back home, which was about a mile and a fourth and took around 15 minutes to walk back, and felt really great.

Before heading out to run, I had the intention to get the “top 10%” badge on my 4 mile run. I had noticed I had runs in which I had top 10% on, within MayMyRun, and I had 4 mile runs in which I had top 25% on, but never a top 10% run in a 4 mile distance.

This was a marvelous run because I was able to keep a consistent pace throughout the first part, and was only 16 seconds away from cracking a sub-14 minute two mile run. Whenever I am able to crack a 14 minute two miler, I am not far from running great miles. I will take some time, as soon as I can, and re-read the first 30 posts I had written, because they show me what my running looked like when I was able to train myself to run a 5:32 mile. If what I did back then worked, it ought to work again, and I want to see those results.

I’m convinced that once I’m able to hit 5:30 at this elevation, I will be able to demolish my mile time at a lower elevation, and that’s what’s really exciting for me right now in my running life.

After running I went out with my friend to the library, and got a library card. The day prior we’d spoken and they shared it may be a good idea for me to take a few days and relax, which was accurate however scary and uncomfortable because I did not know how to relax, probably still don’t, and may not know for a long time. Regardless, I feel like I was able to attack it properly by knowing that I cannot go about getting stressed that I’m not good at relaxing because that’s the opposite of relaxing, so I did my best to just let all of that go and actually let the neurons stop firing for a bit.

Last night I had an interesting dream, I wrote it down in a dream journal my friend left for me in my room, in a gift bag, when they left after they visited. It’s nice having a dream journal. Otherwise I’d forget everything I dream, and if they hadn’t taken the effort to leave me with one, I wouldn’t have really written it down, even though I had intended to start doing that when my friend too began writing down their dreams.

Which reminds me, I ought to text them what I dreamed, and see what they experienced. They actually told me a bit about it, they woke up with a single tear in their eye, which is an interesting way to wake up. I think I’ve been in dreams like that before. Maybe not remembering is more of a freedom than a burden.

Also, in my writings yesterday I forgot to mention that my uncle ended up calling me later in the night and we spoke. It was interesting speaking to someone else in Romanian. Oh! I just remembered, I don’t know if I had mentioned this before, my friend that visited me over the last weekend learned some Romanian and spoke it to me in voice messages that they sent me, and it was so pleasant hearing them speaking it, because at first I didn’t remember if I taught them, and I realized I hadn’t, and it was nice knowing someone went through the effort of PROPERLY speaking phrases like “thank you,” and “good day” and “good night,” as a way to connect. That was very thoughtful, so after I got this phone call from my uncle in the evening when we could speak, I thought it was funny how I had ended up saying thank you, and so forth. Not to mention that my friend had also had a dream about Romania, and thought about me visiting, literally the same night that came before the day in which my uncle called me and asked when I will visit.

So my uncle back then also said he hopes that I meet someone as sweet as me, i.e. “dulce,” and I told him I appreciated his sense of humor with life, and always remembered him joking, and he said that’s how he’s always been it’s good to smile. I told my friend about my call from my uncle, and how I asked about his back that he’d hurt, falling from a tree, since he was a lumberjack, then she made the connection that he’d cut trees (and broken them) and the trees broke him, and I had NEVER once before thought about that. I had thought about how the hard work broke his body, but never that he had been breaking the body of trees. Then my friend and I spoke about that for a little, I made an observation that it’s alright to cut trees to build a home or keep warm, but maybe cutting it to make money did not make the trees happy. In fact, if all he’d done was cut enough wood to build a home, he would have likely never been cutting them long enough to ever fall and break his back.

Now this isn’t to say the back breaking was of his choice, it probably makes no difference, as Alan Watts spoke into my ears as I ran today and listened, because there is no doer in us, we have control over none of the “mess” that we feel like we’re trying to constantly fix up of ourselves. All these observations go to show me is that I’m blessed that I don’t have to battle the bodies of trees and worry about my own in the making.

At the library I got “Black Ops Advertising,” “Trust Me I’m Lying,” “The Tao of Running,” “Bend Not Break,” and “Plants for People.” The “Bend Not Break” one was the first one I picked up. It made me tear up reading the cover.

Also I forgot to mention that in the morning when I woke up I noticed a crumbled up dollar bill that I hadn’t noticed was in my pocket with my things that I took out the night before, to be more comfortable sitting on the couch. I looked at the numbers on the bill and noticed that they were 8 and 8, and then I saw an H, and I wondered what number the letter H is in the alphabet. I didn’t know off the top of my head, although if I thought about it long enough I would have remembered that 88 represented Hitler; so I counted the letters and found out that the bill essentially was 888. Three eights! That’s neat. Three is a powerful number and eight is me. I am Octavian. I am Krishna. Octavian is the eighth born and Krishna is the eighth avatar, and I am also infinite, and 8 turned on its side is ∞.

After the library my friend and I went shopping, at Trader Joe’s. Then we got back and cooked artichokes, and sweet potatoes. I looked at some photos of food on the internet to show my friend something, regarding Vegan butter that they had a question about, while I was researching non-slaughter milk, which came up when I was saying that Lebne or Lebna would be wonderful for her, her son, and her daughter in law to try when they will possibly come over in a few weeks for dinner, and in that search for all of this information, I came across the philosophy and recipes of a Vegan butter brand and I really resonated with it, and upon further food photo research I became excited at the very thought of being a food photographer.

Then I chatted with my friend for a bit and now here I am, after chatting with my roommates for a bit, writing it all out.

I must say I enjoyed how it is the 2nd today, and my books at the library are due on the 23rd. That’s in 21 days from now! Not to mention that before I went to the library I wondered about running 3 miles in 21 minutes. That would be a great challenge, since I know I can do 2 miles in 14 minutes, but have never tried 3 miles in 21 minutes. Maybe I will shoot for that tomorrow, but I must be careful because my calves and my left ankle are speaking up against this new activity and I haven’t been stretching before or after running, but I will now. I hope so! Fingers crossed.

Earlier in the day, before going out for shopping, I also meditated for 42 minutes, then I napped for 21 minutes. So with all of this written and completed and out of my way, I am ready for some rest. It is late, maybe I will read a bit or retire right away.

Oh! Whilst the food was cooking I was reading Celebrating Silence, or rather, re-reading the first half, as I haven’t had a chance to finish this book. I’ve been taking 2-4 notes per page. A part of it really spoke to me about non-violence, so I was inspired to take off the meat recipes on the chai site, because I don’t want to indirectly promote eating animals especially since chai doesn’t have much to do with that, although anyone is welcome and free to do it as they wish.

And I don’t know if I mentioned this, but my uncle also called me today. He’d been calling my work phone but since I no longer work with that company, he wasn’t able to get a hold of me.

I am tired.

To be continued…

Also published on Medium.