Today was a nice day, but I’ll skip to the end because it’s how this story wants to begin.
I was in my room, about to meditate for 42 minutes, after realizing that I had not been able to concentrate for nearly 15 minutes. I’d delayed meditating because my roommate was being loud and belligerent. He was screaming at my other roommate to come with him to the beer store or some other place, and was also screaming at the friend that was with him.
I spent more time in the den instead of going to my room to meditate, and was relived when they finally got their crap together and went out the door. After a bit longer I went to my room, and began to listen to a 7 minute long talk from Alan Watts regarding how it would be silly for us to rush to the end. Say, it wouldn’t make sense for a composer of music to be good based on how fast he can finish. Yet in life we tend to merge the beginning and the end of our destinations, say by means of air travel with a jet, we are able to be in places spontaneously. The talk was getting at the idea that we shouldn’t rush through life, just because we want to get to the end, i.e. success or whatever it might be.
My roommates came back then, and there was a loud commotion. One of them couldn’t find their dog. They started to scream “where is my f***ing dog!” They kept screaming, going inside and outside of the house, screaming and screaming, on and on. I asked the roommate who didn’t own the dog where the other roommate’s partner was, and whether they’d called them, since they may know. This roommate told me that the other roommate didn’t want to call the partner, because they’d freak out.
So the yelling roommate kept yelling, and yelling, and I couldn’t focus on beginning to meditate. I was infuriated that it was so loud that I couldn’t focus in my room, and even if I went back to the den it would be too loud.
Then I remembered that I hadn’t finished writing, so I walked over to the den, reached into my laptop to get my laptop, and I heard a rustle. I didn’t know if my book bag made a sound like that, so I looked under the table and I saw a dog.
I then went over to my roommate, and told him “there’s a lesson in all of this, I just want you to know…” I was going to continue on and tell him that getting loud is not a good solution to anything, and that the dog is simply under the table, PROBABLY scared from all the yelling. I am near certain that the dog was in the den when the roommate came home, and the yelling in the other rooms caused it to hide.
So the roommate started to be loud and belligerent, yelling, after I asked them to shut up for a bit when they wouldn’t stop interrupting me and saying that they’re “LOOKING FOR THEIR F***ing dog, where is MY F***ing DOG?” After I asked him to shut up again he got loud again and said “I’m looking for my child, it’s not like you have anything to worry about.” Then I got angry and told him to shut the f*** up and that he’s an idiot and I’ve had enough of him being loud, and he told me to get out and was doing his thing of commanding me as to what to do, which he has initiated prior without any provocation from my end. So with all of this in mind, I told him to shut up and that I’m not going to listen to him, and at some point asked him what he’s on. I had my laptop in my hand this whole time, because I had been in the process of sitting down to write, and he told me to get the “f*** out” and be a blogger or called me some “blogging s***” or something of that nature.
I told him he’s an idiot and he’s loud and has no brains, and it kept going on. I went back to the den and sat down and he kept screaming from the other room and I told him to shut the “f*** up” and he told me we can brawl and I told him he’s a stupid redneck and I’m not surprised. He asked me some confusing question of whether I think I’m a redneck and I’m calling him that and I told him he’s a moron and I told him to shut up. He told me to stop and that I’m better than this, and I told him to shut up and acting like a child. I was fed up with his stupid crap, he’s always demeaning and then he plays a child any time he doesn’t get his way or there’s a hint of truth floating towards his nose.
So then he went outside and screamed some more, and eventually, five or ten minutes later, as I was half way done with writing, his friend who was out of prison started to whistle and make gentle sounds and the dog ran out from the table, now that its loud owner was no longer in the house and it felt safe and heard a call, it went outside from the table. The friend went out to the roommate and told them that the dog was there, and then the dog ran back under the table, and the friend didn’t see it. So now we’ve got its owner coming back in the house and he’s all loud asking “is it my dog?! Where’s my dog!” He started to scream and the dog cowered under the table, and then my other roommate started to call it gently and it came once again.
Then the owner’s partner came home, and the dog was hiding under the table again. And this time the partner called it, and the owner was also yelling, so the dog was mixed up and confused and it stayed under the table even longer, but finally it came outside. Then after the partner verified the dog was alright, which they came home from the gym to look for, since they somehow heard about it, the dog went back under the table. Even when the partner called the dog, it wouldn’t come out, until they called out and said that they had a treat.
If you Google “dogs hate drunk people,” you’ll likely come across “Why Your Dog Hates You When You’re Drunk.”
- Alcohol makes you smell
- You suck at taking care of him/her
- You’re a large, uncoordinated todler
Hmm… I see. Very interesting. I think my roommate is an idiotic drunk and as much compassion as I can exude, it seems that my strength in compassion is limited to the point where even in the process of finding the quiet to meditate, and then deciding to write instead, I can hotly throw truth in one’s eyes. Now you see I am truly the belligerent one for being loud even though I knew, one way or another, that I could have told them the dog was there without giving them a lesson along with it, but it seems in hindsight my mistake was thinking that this person could learn in their debilitated state.
I could have thrown some truth in their eyes had I not thrown hot words with it too, but I think those came as a result of myself becoming angry with the stupidity of the situation. A moron comes into a house and yells and scares their dog then continues to yell and then when asked if they’ve learned a lesson continues to yell even more without even saving their breath for a moment to sit and listen.
I think the greatest struggle I have now is not feeling pity or my roommate or ashamed with my shortcomings. I think they’re connected in a way. I wouldn’t put myself and I wouldn’t be ashamed of him, since I understand his simplistic nature to be that of a man in the process of evolving and there is no shame in that, yet somehow I do pity that it hasn’t already happen in this roommate’s body, mind, at this time and place of reality.
I’ve not exhausted all interest and energy in noting this down.
Oh, I might add that he told me that I am not like this, and that I shouldn’t be negative or that I usually don’t bring negativity. This was true, and he said it at the end, at which point the belligerent back and forth was done. Had he said that I am not negative, and that I don’t bring negativity after I asked him if he learned a lesson, I would have said yes I do not, your dog is in the den, have you learned a lesson from this?
Then if he hadn’t learned a lesson from it I would have walked him and held his hand step by step in how yelling scares dogs and makes them hide, but unfortunately we never got there because the end of our conversation ended with the truth that he ought to have known and I ought to have embodied from the beginning.
So now with that being over, I will begin my story from the beginning.
I woke up today and possibly wrote down my dream. I think I did that but I don’t remember what I wrote or dreamed. I’ve been doing this for the past three days, in the dream journal my friend left for me after they visited.
I was still in bed, which I don’t think I’ve mentioned before in my writings is a floor, I sleep on the floor. So for the past week I continued to sleep on the twin bed that was in my room, which my roommate (not the dog owner), had let me borrow to place in my room while my friend visited. It was nice going from sleeping on a couch back to a bed, and then my roommate’s friend visited yesterday and I took the bed out and put it in another room so that he could use it, and today I slept on the floor. So I woke up on the floor, and I brought my phone into my bedroom, i.e., floor-room, and then I messaged two people curious if they’d like to try the chai I’m hoping to share with as many as I can.
One person responded back, from Canada. I told my friend that created the chai about this, and we got busy working on getting everything ready for sending the samples, a thank you note, and various other things. We worked from around 11 AM, after I showered, to around 6 PM or so. Then we cooked dinner and ate.
I was very tired and wanted to retire and sleep, not even thinking of meditating or writing. After my roommates had left, I decided it was a good time to meditate, only to find it loud again. So now that I’ve written, and that the loud roommate is gone again, I will try again.
Meditate, and sleep. That is what I set out to do.
To be continued…
Also published on Medium.