Thinking of Life in the End of 2018

Today has me remembering that what has made me happiest in 2018 was often not what I thought would make me happy. It was the things that would least come to mind, the obvious things, that proved the most valuable.

If it wasn't for my experience this night/morning (10 PM - 1 AM), this wisdom may have escaped my grasp for more time to come.

It's the simple things that I get fulfillment from. Running, parkouring, writing, chanting, making vegan food, and playing the flute.
These are a few of many activities that bring me joy.

Being around people my age, at a pre-game that I joined with my friend (as a sober driver), has helped me better consider that I am 22 years old.

I've got a lot of time to mess up, like today where I spent about 4-5 hours on a technology issue that I caused by not backing up my work before plunging on more customizations.

Instead of aiming for the more elusive goals of "more travel," or "more money," I'm going to stop and take hold of what I have now.

A recurring theme in my mind is the Ouroboros:

anonymous medieval illuminator; uploader Carlos adanero - Fol. 279 of Codex Parisinus graecus 2327, a copy (made by Theodoros Pelecanos (Pelekanos) of Corfu in Khandak, Iraklio, Crete in 1478) of a lost manuscript of an early medieval tract which was attributed to Synosius (Synesius) of Cyrene (d. 412). The text of the tract is attributed to Stephanus of Alexandria (7th century). cf. scan of entire pagehere.

As exciting as the chase of one's own tail may prove, the excitement of sitting still and breathing, to experience the now, is where the truth is really at.

No matter where I find myself, there is no excuse to not breath and fully take in the life that is before me.

I've always got these thoughts in my head about consumerism, and minimalism, and the world, and where it's all headed. Yet with the trappings of self-tail-chasing, it can be easy to find oneself on the wheel of consumerism and such.

Today's thoughts, for example, formed as I was having hookah with my friend, after the pre-game that we left probably due to the internal social anxiety of not knowing what the time was (both my friend and I left our phones in the car).

Hookah is one of those things that I endeavor to never do again, yet find myself coming back to. I can see how it was natural to get stressed up about the technology issue that could have been avoided, and I ended up doing something that has typically been relaxing for my body (smoking hookah).

As I sat there puffing on smoke that would only serve to make me sick the more time I sat puffing, I remembered the joys of running a marathon this year.

I remembered the joys of coming close to breaking my mile time goal of a mile in under 5 minutes and 30 seconds.

Comparing those joys to the joys of going out for hookah made hookah seem starkly self-harming and unjoyful.

So with the thoughts of running, and the thoughts of health, I thought more about 2019. I saw neat storylines, interesting people, pastime activities, and a general laissez faire attitude about how the rest of my life would play out, as well as the remaining days of 2018 and the year to follow.

My laissez faire attitude about letting good come to me, and not being afraid of going to good only makes sense. Good is good, and we all want what is good for us.

Straining to see it, find it, hold it, or share it only leads one to what is thought to be good through flaws or ignorance.

It's a common symptom of running around seeking instead of sitting down breathing.

As with most of the sicknesses I've had that have made me appreciate good health afterwards, the symptom of running around seeking is one that I can only be eternally grateful for.

Seeking is momentum for arriving to life's destination, and I accept the understanding of this moment, this path, and this "good."

Featured Photo: by Erik Odiin on Unsplash


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